


10x10, a hundred images of loving you

by silentOrator



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-24 00:53:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17694479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentOrator/pseuds/silentOrator
Summary: Dan and Phil at Christmas through the years.





	10x10, a hundred images of loving you

**Author's Note:**

> I had a ton of fun writing this - I got slightly carried away, and my 2-3k oneshot idea turned into a massive 9k beast, but oh well? Please check out the amazing art by [@pina-colester](https://pina-colester.tumblr.com/) and thank you v v much to Kellen, [@kfc-chickenyo](https://kfc-chickenyo.tumblr.com/) for beta-ing - I couldn’t have done it without them. Go give them both lots of love on Tumblr. 
> 
> I know that some of the Christmases may be inaccurate - I was rather vague in my research of what D&P actually did each year, and took many liberties with the timeline. This is my first fic ever so please be kind in the comments!

**May 2019**  
There is a folder on his phone, of ten images. Random, blurry photos, the ones that people would normally delete, but separated out from the normal mass of failed selfies that normally made up his camera roll. He doesn't add to it often, and usually not in May, but it's currently open. Dan blinks at his phone to see if the screen changes, but nope, it's still there. 

“Phil” he calls down the hall, poking his head out the door. “Didja touch my phone?” 

“Yeah,” comes the response. “Was looking for a photo from the tour.”

“Mmm,” Dan says under his breath as he grabs his wallet and keys; they’re on their way out. It would be no good to miss the train to Peej’s wedding.

```’’’

“Borf” Phil whispers, juggling Dan’s shoulder. Dan turns away from the window, quirking an eyebrow at him.

“Are you okay?” Phil asks more seriously, “You are rather quiet.”

“Just thinking about when I used to ride the train.” Dan says back softly, “it seems like so long ago.”

Phil settles his chin on Dan’s shoulder and they both go back to looking at the scenery rush by. “Yeah,” he says. “We were so young back then.”

```’’’

**December 22, 2009**  
Dan smiled out the window as Phil chattered excitedly in his ear. “I can't wait for you to get here. I have the script planned out already — we’ll film all the inside stuff today because it is already dark—”Phil's voice dropped into a growl. “—because of the ETERNAL DARKNESS.” Dan giggled and Phil continued, “And then we can do all the outdoor parts tomorrow. What do you think, Dan Da-Dan, Dan?”

Dan giggled and covered his mouth as he smiled at the winter scenery rushing by outside the train window. “I just can't wait to be there.”

```’’’

“Aarrghh!” Dan yelled as he ran at Phil with two icicles. He ran past the camera and then turned around. “Did you get it?” he asked breathlessly.

Phil shrugged, “Let's do it one more time, just in case? If you don't mind?” Dan shook his head as he walked back behind the bush.

“No problemo, captain.” As he waited for Phil to tell him to start again, he shook his head. How was he, boring Dan from Wokingham, somehow getting to be in Manchester filming with THE AmazingPhil? It was a dream come true.

“Okay, go.”

“AAAAhhhhhhh!” Dan ran directly at Phil this time, ears of his cap flapping as he bounced.  
“Ahhh!” Phil yelled back as Dan got too close. “Okay, I think we got it,” he said, turning off the camera. “Let's go in, my nose is going to become an icicle if I stay out here any longer!”

```’’’

“You go change first while I make hot chocolate,” Dan said as they stomped the snow off their boots. “You always make it too sweet!”

“Sweet like you,” Phil said, smiling as he hopped up and down to get out of his boots. “Thanks bear!” He pressed a lightning fast kiss on Dan’s cheek and then ran off inside.

Dan shook his head fondly, bending down to straighten up their shoes and then tsking as he picked up Phil’s wet socks. “I’m not your mother!” he called after the other boy.

```’’’

Phil came back in just as Dan was putting the mugs in the microwave. “Okay, now you can go change; you’re dripping water everywhere!”

“Yeah.” Dan grimaced scrunching his toes, which still felt damp.

“Also,” Phil said, his voice suddenly much closer behind Dan than before, “I’m glad you aren’t my mother, because otherwise—” Dan froze as arms snaked around his waist “—I couldn't do this”

Dan squeaked and jumped as Phil reached down and pinched his bottom. “Phil!” the other boy smiled unrepentantly, “You’re so cute when you blush.”

```’’’

By the time Dan had dried off and changed into his pyjamas, the kitchen was empty and he followed the smell of warm chocolate into the living room. Phil had turned off all of the lights, except for the fireplace and the Christmas tree, and had made a blanket nest in the corner of the couch.

“Come join me in my lair!” Phil said, his head popping out of the pile of blankets. Phil handed Dan his mug of hot chocolate as he got settled, curled up under Phil’s arm.

“There is a truly horrendous number of marshmallows in this drink,” Dan said softly getting fluff on his nose as he took a sip. 

Phil hummed contentedly back at him, “But it is so good!”

The boys finished their hot chocolate quietly, enjoying the warmth of the fire, the twinkling Christmas lights and the snow falling gently outside. Phil slid down to let his head drop onto Dan’s shoulder as his eyes closed and Dan gently moved the cups to the ground. As the fire crackled comfortingly, the clock ticked to midnight. Dan pulled out his phone slowly as not to disturb Phil. Dan only had one more half day in Manchester, but this had already been the best Christmas yet. 

Dan opened up the camera and snapped a photo of the room. In the corner, there was Phil’s spiky hair, highlighted by the glow of the flames. Then letting the phone fall to the carpeted ground, Dan too put his head down and went to sleep, curled up in the happiness of the day and the comfort of the moment.

```’’’

**May 2019**  
“Peej!” Dan exclaimed as they walked in the door, “How are you? How are you feeling?” Phil followed up behind him. PJ was tugging on the collar of his suit.

“Ah you know, the usual, about to marry the love of my life” he straightened up and turning away from his dresser, “Never better!”

Dan clapped a hand on his shoulder, “Glad to hear it dude, you and Sophie are great together.”

PJ looked over at Phil, punching him gently in the arm, “When are you gonna tie this one down?” he jerked a thumb at Dan. “He's been your fan for ten years, you wouldn't want him to get away now,” PJ started elbowing Dan, “maybe with that handsome, successful Evan Peters? I hear he's going to be in London for a premier next month.”

Dan rolled his eyes, but suddenly Phil was looking rather nervous, “Ahhh, Peej, you know how I am, I wouldn't know what to say - I’d probably make a Mario joke while proposing and ruin it all… anyways, we better go sit down, gotta have time to find the best seats on the beach, bye PJ!”

Phil pulled Dan away, as they waved to PJ who turned back to the mirror. “What was that?” Dan asked Phil as they walked down to where the chairs were set up. “Why are you being so sketchy?”

Phill just eyed him sideways, “Mario” he sang and then took off slightly faster down the beach.

```’’’

**December 23, 2010**  
It was becoming a tradition to make Christmas videos with Phil. Even though he had had to go home after exams had ended, Dan had managed to convince his mum to let him go back up to Manchester to spend the days before Christmas with Phil, who this year, had his own apartment.

“Do you think I should keep the Jesus or Mario part, Phil?” Dan yelled from where he was slouching on the couch, laptop on his chest. They had just finished filming AmazingDan 2, sitting in front of Phil's tiny Christmas tree, and Phil was making them hot chocolate and coffee for the long night of editing they had in front of them. 

“Yeah, keep it, I think it should be fine,” Phil said back, coming into the room with coffee for himself and hot chocolate for Dan. “Look, I didn't even put a mountain of marshmallows in yours this time!” he said, setting the cup down on the table next to Dan.

Dan looked up, “Wow that's some growth, I'm shocked.” Phil shoved at Dan’s shoulder, and then they both looked down, dismayed, at the coffee that spilt, just barely missing the laptop and landing instead on Dan’s chest. 

“Owwwww, Philll!” Dan whined, sitting up and putting his laptop on the table, “How could you?”

“Sorry,” Phil pouted back at him, making a sad puppy face, “I'm sowwy” Dan reached down and took Phil’s cup from him before shoving him back into the couch and then belly flopping on top of him. 

“Hey!” Phil laughed as they started pinching and tickling, “You’re rubbing your coffee shirt all over me!” 

Dan stopped fighting back and rested his chin on Phil’s arm, “Yeah, it serves you right you monster!” They lay there, catching their breath for a moment before they climbed off the couch, 

“Alright, let's go get changed.”

```’’’

Dan came back to the living room and threw himself back on the couch, before rolling over and groaning as he pulled his phone out from under his back. It was already on, and the camera was pulled up, they must have triggered it while wrestling. It was blurry but Dan could just make out silver streaks of light from their rave tree and a big red blur that was him and Phil. Dan smiled, thinking back to last Christmas. He saved his two photos to an unnamed folder. Maybe he would keep this as just one more tradition, but this one just for himself.

```’’’

**May 2019**  
“Do you ever think people notice how much time we spend at the snack table?” Dan asked as he added another bunch of carrot sticks to his plate. “I'm pretty sure we have spent at least half the reception here,” he continued.

“Nah,” Phil replied, “the rest of the guests are too busy dancing, they wouldn't notice us.” He looked at Dan’s plate and frowned, “Why are you eating carrots? We are at a wedding!”

“Just because we are at a wedding doesn't mean it’s time to be unhealthy,” Dan retorted, “Aren't we both supposed to be eating healthy? What are they going to say when we get back to the gym on Monday?” he poked Phil in the stomach.

“It's fine” Phil whined, “This is only my fourth cookie.” Dan did a double take.  
“Fou- WHAT? Philip Lester give me that cookie now!” but Phil, giggling just dodged Dan’s hand and stuffed the cookie in his mouth, quickly running out onto the dance floor.

```’’’

**December 22, 2011**  
“Hey! Get out!” Dan yelled as Phil burst into his room without knocking, “I'm trying to wrap your Christmas present!”

Phil whirled around and cover his eyes, walking out of the room “Ooh! Sorry!” He slammed the door, then started excitedly knocking on it, “Dan we should bake, we can make a video of how to bake Christmas cookies!”

Dan finished wrapping the present and hastily shoved it under his bed before jumping up to yank open the door. “Yeah, let’s do it! I’ll get the ingredients, you get the camera.”

```’’’

Dan was almost giddy as they started to film, sliding into the kitchen and almost bowling over Phil. Playing with the tinsel, swatting each other with the rolling pin and cutting out funny shaped Christmas cookies - to some people it might have just been a simple Delia Smith recipe, but Dan was finally feeling the freedom of adulthood.

He had been terrified to drop out of uni, but moving in with Phil had been maybe one of his best decisions, after stalking the guy on YouTube. He had moved in 5 months ago, his channel was growing, and most importantly he was happy. Maybe it was sad that it was such a novelty, but this was Dan’s third good Christmas in a row, and they only seemed to be getting better.

“How many Christmases out of ten?” Phil asked as Dan took a bite of the placenta cookie, 

“Twelve” he groaned taking another bite before shoving the rest of the cookie into Phil’s mouth. 

“Mmm! It's good!” the other boy said. 

“Yesssss!” Dan hissed as he shoved the rest of the cookie in his mouth, not only was the cookie good but so was his life.

```’’’

Dan and Phil laughed excitedly as they tumbled through the door of their Manchester flat, falling down in their excitement to get in and celebrate. Phil got his shoes off first, kicking them over to the side, and started doing victory laps around the small sitting room.

“We just finished our first Christmas special, we are real announcers, REAL radio hosts, REAL ADULTS!” He jumped up onto the sofa and then bounced back down. 

Dan laughed at him, and then after taking his own victory lap tackled Phil into the sofa yelling, “We aren't going to starve because we have REAL jobs!” 

The boys sat up. “We should celebrate,” Dan said stretching and cracking his back. “Order in Indian and Great British Bake-Off on the couch?”

Dan smiled. “Yeeeeee.”

```’’’

They ended up classing up their TV Indian dinner with champagne to celebrate their first, of hopefully many, Christmas radio specials, and by midnight they were resting comfortably against each other and the edge of the couch, slightly against each other, letting the TV play in the background.

Phil shifted behind Dan’s shoulder. “I should head to bed since I have to get up early to go see my parents,” Phil said as he stood up and stretched.

“Ah yes, Kathy and Nigel,” Dan slid down on the couch stretching out his legs. “You go on, I’ll just be a minute.” As Phil moved around the room turning off the tv and picking up their plates, Dan pulled out his phone from his pocket and sneakily snapped a photo - Phil arms full of plates, looking soft in his pyjamas silhouetted by their rave tree. Phil had stopped and looked back at Dan on the couch.

“Yeah yeah, I'm coming,” Dan said. Standing up and grabbing their champagne cups, “One day we have got to get proper flutes,” he mumbled.

They put the dishes in the sink to wash tomorrow, and Phil wrapped his arms around Dan. “One day,” he said, “we will have dozens of flutes and maybe even a dog. But for tonight,” he pulled Dan down the hall, “we have time, now to sleep.”

```’’’

**May 2019**  
Dan finally caught up with Phil in the middle of the dancefloor, where he was having what looked like a very serious conversation with Hazel Hayes’ pregnant stomach.

“Oh hello, Dan!” Hazel said looking at him over Phil’s head, “Phil here is just telling my baby about how her mummy is a famous vlogger.”

“Ah yes.” Dan commented, stepping next to Hazel and resting a hand on Phil’s back, “Capital £ester, back at it, training his protegee!” 

Phil popped his head up at that, “That's not true, I’m just giving her some tips, it's never too early to start thinking about your 401k.” 

“Oh God,” Dan groaned before telling Hazel, ‘We had to file an extension on our taxes this year and Phil won’t let us live it down.” 

Hazel laughed, “Well it sounds like you boys have a lot to talk about, I’ll leave you to it. I really gotta go pee. Again.”

As she walked away, Dan turned to Phil and asked, “Do you want to dance?” 

Phil raised an eyebrow, “Here? Someone may see us.”

Dan looked around, taking in the number of their friends and colleagues who were hanging out, and then back at Phil, “Aw, fuck it. It's not like the fans don't already have an idea, let’s just dance, who cares if we end up in the back of someone's vlog.”

```’’’

**December 25, 2012**  
They had moved to London, which should have been exciting. This was their first Christmas in their new, nicer apartment, which should have also been exciting. They had just finished their second, very successful radio show and Dan was close to hitting a million subscribers. They had been asked to do a weekly show on the BBC and so many other things, but more than all of that, 2012 was just hard. And Dan felt so numb.

Dan exhaled, rolling over in his bed, pulling his duvet with him, as he heard Phil knock on his door. He curled in on himself. “Dan?” Phil called softly, “The food is here, do you want to come out?”

Dan didn't say anything, hopefully, Phil would think he had fallen asleep after the show. He hadn’t been out of the house for anything other than the radio in weeks.

The was a soft thump and what sounded like Phil’s head hitting the door, but he didn't call out again. And after what felt like a small eternity, Dan heard him shuffling away down the hallway. Dan heard the radio start in the living room playing Christmas carols that whispered their way into the darkness of his room.

```’’’

Dan reached an arm out for his phone groggily. He must have fallen asleep at some point.

12:01 A.M.

Christmas was over, and he couldn't hear Phil.

Dan stumbled out of bed, clutching his phone and pulling the black and grey comforter with him and opened the door. The flickering Christmas lights were still on, but the flat was silent, and when he reached the living room, Phil was sitting on the couch, head tipped back and eyes closed. Dan went over to stand next to him, looking down at Phil. Phil shivered and Dan felt the guilt wrap around his throat and drip down to sit in the bottom of his stomach.

Phil didn't deserve this. He had been taking care of Dan for the past 3 years. He deserved better than a moody boyfriend who flipped out over the accidental release of a sweet, romantic video and was too ashamed to tell even his own family about _them_. And now, Phil had just spent Christmas Eve alone. 

Dan draped his own duvet over Phil, tucking it around him gently, and turned to put on the fireplace. 

“Hey,” Phil rasped from behind him softly. Dan turned, meeting Phil’s eyes and then looking away. He sat down on the couch next to the other boy, as the fire started to slowly warm the room and then, hesitantly, leaned over until his cheek rested on Phil’s shoulder. 

Phil turned his face to press a slow kiss to the top of Dan’s head “It's okay.” he murmured.

A tear ran down Dan’s cheek and Phil put an arm around the younger boy’s shoulder.  
“We’ll be okay.”

```’’’

Dan didn't take his photo until the next morning. He and Phil had fallen asleep together, sitting upright on the couch and sometime in the night, the fire had gone out. But when Dan woke briefly the next morning, the snow was softly falling and he took a photo of Phil’s face, illuminated the gently, clean morning light before ducking under the duvet with Phil and falling back asleep.

```’’’

**May 2019**  
The music had transitioned from the more energetic songs where Phil was in danger of hitting people while dancing to a slower song. Dan inched forward until he could rest his chin on Phil’s shoulder.

“Did you ever think we would reach this point?” he asked quietly, looking out at all the other couples swaying slowly under the light blues and purples of the mood lighting. PJ and Sophie had not left the dance floor all night, and they were there, on the back edge, swaying and staring into each other's eyes.

Phil hummed in Dan’s ear. “I don't know, but I knew I always wanted to make it work, and we’re still here, so we must be doing something right.”

Dan sighed contentedly, ”Yeah, I guess we are. After all, we did end up okay, didn't we.”

```’’’

**December 20, 2013**  
“Kiss it, kiss it” Dan chanted, waving the plasma globe in front of Phil’s face. Phil ducked away, laughing.

“No, no! It makes my face smell funny! It tingles!” He managed to grab it away from dan and throw it down on the couch. “I’ll kiss you though!” 

Dan mockingly sighed as Phil pulled him in and planed an overly dramatic kiss on his cheek.

“Do you really have to go?? You can just not visit your parents this year,” he said, scrunching his face up against Phil’s shoulder.

“Or you can just come with me? It can be like 2009 again.” Phil countered.

“No…” Dan sighed and pushed away from Phil, “No, the fans will wonder why I'm going to your family’s house for Christmas and then they will start asking questions again…” The mess of last year had finally died down, although the video still popped up every couple of months. 

“I’ll be good here,” Dan continued with slightly forced cheeriness, “I can eat all the cheesy noodles I want, and maybe even just a block of cheese plain - “

“Eurgh” Phil moaned,” Why would you eat cheese, let alone PLAIN cheese?” Dan laughed and this time it was real. 

“Because I'm not a heathen, you heathen!” He gave Phil a quick peck. “Now go see your family, and tell the Lester clan I said hi.”

```’’’

Dan was lounging on the sofa in front of the fireplace, bundled up in a blanket, laptop on his chest, deep in the midst of a Google deep dive when he heard the doorbell ring.

Dan looked at the time on his laptop and decided to ignore it, it was probably someone lost and anyways, no one they knew would be visiting them at 11:00 pm.

The bell kept ringing and Dan groaned throwing off the blanket and getting up. He jogged down the hall and looked out the door window, all he could see were flowers. Dan opened the door cautiously. “Yeah?”

“Delivery for Dan Howell, cutest cuddle bear of all time?” the man said reading off a card. 

Dan grimaced. “Yeah that's me?” the man laughed and handed dan the bouquet of roses and a soft plush brown bear. “Merry Christmas!”

Dan heard skype start to ring as he walked down the hall, laughing at the card that came with the bear. “Hey!“ he said, accepting Phil’s call and plopping back down on the couch. “I’m assuming you are the ‘most romantic and handsome-er than Thor boyfriend’ who sent me this?”

Phil smiled, “Yeah, I didn't want you to be alone on Christmas, so that is Phil 2, a bear for my bear!” 

Dan blushed and Phil started to laugh. “Look, it's just like the old days, back on Skype yet again.”

```’’’

This was almost as nice as having Phil here for Christmas, Dan thought to himself as he pulled out his phone to take his annual photo. He snapped a picture of the corner of his laptop, fireplace, mirror and Christmas wreath in the background, all lit with a warm, soft glow.

Maybe they were too old to be staying up till 3 am talking on Skype like they used to or maybe not, but it was Christmas, and Dan was cosy under his blanket with the fire crackling merrily and Phil 2 tucked into the crook of his elbow. And as Phil had said just a year ago, it was all okay.

```’’’

**June 2019**  
Dan trudged up the stairs, throwing his keys down on the table and letting his coat slide off his shoulders before flopping down on the couch.

“Hey!” He heard Phil jogging down the stairs “How did it --” Phil looked at Dan. “I thought you were excited for this event, it wasn't one of those days, was it? Did you force yourself to go?” He paused and Dan let the silence hang. “I'm sure Young Minds would have let you call it off if you really couldn’t.” 

Dan rolled over to lay down facing Phil, who came to sit next to him. “No,” he finally said sighing, “I was fine today, and it was a good event, but one of the boys had a panic attack while I was talking and…” Dan trailed off, shifting closer to Phil on the couch.

“He came to talk to me after, to apologize, and just, his story-” Dan paused again, “His story was so much like mine, and all I could do was tell him that it gets better.”

Phil put an arm around Dan, “What did the kid say?” he asked.

“I mean, the kid nodded and said yeah he knew that but,” Dan sat up, shaking off Phil’s hand, “I know how I was at that age, I know he’s just saying that. _I_ didn't even really believe it could get better until like, 2016.” Dan slumped back down, “I don't know, it just took me back.”

Phil didn’t say anything, and instead just sat and let Dan use him as a pillow as he sorted his thoughts out. It had taken him an embarrassingly long time, and several joint therapy sessions to understand that sometimes, Dan didn't want his solutions to problems like these, he just wanted someone to listen.

Finally, Phil shifted, “Coffee or hot chocolate?” he asked, and Dan stood up and smiled down at him.

“Hot chocolate I think, for tonight. I’ll help you make it.”

```’’’

**December 25, 2014**  
“They really liked the Festive Day in the Life,” Dan remarked as he walked into the kitchen. Phil was already in there, was rubbing his nose. “Did you bump into the door again? he asked, laughing.

“Yeees,” Phil whined, pouting, “We really need to make sure our next flat has no glass doors, they are a hazard.”

They made their way into the living room and Phil turned on the TV.

“We really aren’t that festive this year,” Dan said as their anime started up. “Eating cereal and watching Attack on Titan, what Christmas cheer!” he continued sarcastically.

“My family is coming over this afternoon, we can be Christmassy then. Also, shhh.” Phil nudged Dan, “I’m missing stuff.”

“What are you missing?” Dan scoffed, “We have seen this three times already!” but he smiled as he settled into his sofa crease, and their familiar morning routine began.

```’’’

“Our flat is not big enough for four excitable Lesters in addition to us.” Dan thought has he escaped into his bedroom for a breather. They were currently playing charades in the living room and, even though Dan had known the Lesters for ages, he was feeling a little claustrophobic. His family had never celebrated… this boisterously.

He heard his door open and close softly behind him but didn’t turn around, instead, watching Phil walk up behind him in the reflection of the dark computer screen on his desk, toying with his phone. Cool hands slid onto his shoulders under the neck of his jumper that had started feeling too warm in their living room. 

“You okay?” Phil asked softly. Dan took a breath and closed his eyes for a moment then craned his neck back and smiled at Phil.

“Yeah, I’m good, I just needed a moment.” he got up and wrapped an arm around Phil’s neck, settling his chin on Phil’s shoulder, “It all was a bit overwhelming for a second there,” 

Phil returned the hug, standing, still waiting for Dan to be the one to pull away. 

Dan sighed, relaxing further and feeling his heart rate go down some more, and as he glanced down, saw that his camera app had opened up in selfie mode. 

It wasn’t a great photo - an incomprehensible shot of Phil’s back, one of Dan’s hands, and mainly the ceiling, but Dan snapped the picture anyway. He wanted to remember this moment, and Phil’s observant comfort, for times to come.

```’’’

After the Lesters had gone to sleep in the guestroom, and Phil’s room, the boys ended up, as they often did on Christmas, curled up under a blanket in front of the fire. Phil turned off the radio, and they sat in the peaceful quiet, watching the flickering of the fire and listening to each other breathing until they finally picked up and went off to sleep in Dan’s room, calm and content.

```’’’

**July 2019**  
Their whole life was packed up in boxes again Dan thought as he walked through the flat looking for any last things that they may have dropped. Last time they had moved, they had lost the announcement moose and people on Twitter had almost rioted.

“Remind we why we are moving again?” Phil complained, walking back into the house, wiping the sweat off his forehead.

“Forever home, our life goal?” Dan questions back at him teasing, moving really has been a long process.

“But it’s really hot!” Phil moaned picking up another box. 

Dan sighed, “Yeah, everything I’m wearing is sticking to me. It’s gross.”

```’’’

They stood surveying all the boxes and the safety wrapped furniture the movers had deposited in each room before leaving and heaved a synchronized sigh. “Now to unpack,” Dan said, “Maybe we should just do the bed and then go to sleep?”

“Yes. I'm so tired,” Phil complained. But as they turned off the lights and the settled down into bed an hour later, Phil rolled over to face Dan.

“Isn't this is exciting? We’ve come so far since you were living with me in my tiny Manchester flat.”

“Yeah,” Dan said softly, “it's been a wild ride.”

```’’’

**December 24, 2015**  
Dan had an intense sense of déjà vu as he snuck up the stairs with the box containing Phil’s present. The last time he had had to sneak around to wrap Phil’s present had been when they were back in Manchester and had been literally inseparable. It also had not helped that the apartment was so small they were basically living in each other's pockets. In London, Dan had usually waited until Phil went out to the shops before running to get everything wrapped and hidden. This year, however, in the midst of Europe TATINOF, there hadn't been time for Dan to get the gift wrapped.

“Dan? Is that you? Why do your footsteps sound funny?” Phil called from upstairs where he was editing their Christmas video. Dan heard the chair roll back and he made a dash for his room. 

“Damn you, Philip,” he yelled, “I was being sneaky!”

He heard Phil thump against his closed door where he had been a minute too late to catch Dan. 

“I just want a hint as to what my present is,” he said through the crack under the door, “Just one little hint.”

Dan grinned at the pink squishy blobfish, squeezing its weird little cheeks. “No hints, but I think you are going to like it.”

```’’’

The next day, ripping through his presents, Phil had liked the little blobfish and had promptly packed it in his bag to take with him up to his parents’ house.

```’’’

“Are you sure you don't want to come up with me? I think there is still time for us to buy an extra train ticket,” Phil asked as he and Dan lounged on the sofa with their computers.

“Nah, I'm good,” Dan said, “You enjoy your post-Christmas and New Year’s Eve with your family. I think I’ll call mine and see if they are doing anything for me to go down to visit them for a couple of days.” 

Phil nodded, “Okay, whatever you say captain.”

```’’’

As the shadows slowly crept up the floor and onto the coffee table, and then the sofa, Phil finally put down his laptop, stretched, and then reached over to pull Dan’s computer away from him too.

“I think 4 hours of browsing is enough on Christmas Day, don't you?” Dan frowned up at him,

“I wasn't browsing, I was reading the reactions to the TABINOF audiobook.” 

“Even so,” Phil said, offering Dan a hand and pulling him to his feet. “I would say let’s do more to celebrate, but I’m honestly too tired. Touring is hard work,” Phil said leading the two of them down the hall. 

“Oh no, Phil has to do work,” Dan mocked gently, “Whatever will he do?” 

“Shush Mr. Grinch or you won't get any hot chocolate,” Phil retorted, pulling out his adventure time mug and the Hello Kitty mug.

“Ooh, I'm going to be drinking Hello Kitty brains tonight am I?” Dan asked. He hopped up on the counter, and as he watched Phil rummage through the kitchen, snapped a photo, of him at the counter, slightly tacky wreaths and paper snowflakes decorating the kitchen. The volume on his phone was on and Phil turned around at the electronic shutter sound.

“Did you take a photo of me?” he asked raising, an eyebrow. Dan blushed,

“It was an accident, now give me the hot chocolate.” Phil laughed, but let Dan lead them back to the living room where they stayed for the rest of the night, falling asleep to the cheesy Hallmark movies that Dan pretended to hate but secretly loved.

```’’’

**August 2019**  
It was unspeakably hot, Phil thought as he rolled over, the sheets were actually sticking to him and their air condition had definitely been broken for way too long. He stretched, and then looked over at Dan who was somehow still asleep.

The sun was coming in golden through the window and the house was calm and quiet. Phil had finally finalized his proposal as well, he had sent everything to the printers just the night before when Dan had been out filming with Louise. He was going to do it at Christmas he thought. 

It seemed the most appropriate.

```’’’

**December 24, 2016**  
Between, TATINOF Europe, Gamingmas, house hunting and planning the American and Australian tours, Dan and Phil were wiped.

“It’s done,” Dan yelled as he came down the stairs, “The last one is uploaded, I just watched it finalize, we are free!” He walked down the hallway and flopped down onto Phil’s bed, turning to look at Phil. “Don't talk to me about editing anything for at least another million years.” They had just finished Gamingmas, and while it had been good, it was too hectic, Dan reflected. They hadn't realized how much work it would be to upload every day for the whole Christmas season, especially when they were only filming a couple days in advance and editing the night before.

“Time to respond to comments?” Phil asked groaning as he reached over the side of his bed groping for his laptop. 

“Yeah,” Dan muttered unlocking his phone and getting on Twitter, “Do you mind if I turn off the light?” 

They sat in the near darkness replying to tweets and posting on social media until curled up together, they drifted off to some well-deserved sleep.

```’’’

Phil was the first to wake up, soft light coming in through the window and he stretched lazily in the bed. He wasn't going to go see his parents for Christmas but would go up for New Year’s. They had just been so busy. He reached over for his phone.

11:30 PM. 

Not bad, they were having a few people over for a late lunch but were just going to order in so they wouldn't have to cook. Phil looked over at Dan, whose head was burrowed under his pillow, arms flung off to the side. He smiled, he had a feeling some big but good changes would be coming in the future. They had grown up, and this little London flat that had been their home for the past four years was starting to feel a bit small. 

Who knows what wondrous ways they were going to grow in the next year.

```’’’

Louise and PJ and their partners had actually stayed to help clean up the dishes and board games, and by the time they left, it was late in the evening. “Do you want a Dan or Phil?” Phil asked from the kitchen as dan turned off the lights in the living room and turned on the fire,

“A Dan, it's too late for something so blue as a Phil,” he called back, settling himself on the sofa and pulling a blanket down around him. They had saved some of the liquor from the TATINOF end party to make their own themed drinks at home. 

Dan opened his phone, to look through his gallery. He had got his annual Christmas photo earlier that evening when Phil had been laughing at a board game. The shot was slightly blurry but he could make out Phil laughing and gesticulating wildly, fire in the background and colourful Monopoly money flying everywhere. 

He kept scrolling backwards, looking at the other Christmases, and sighing, had it really already been eight years?

“What’cha looking at?” Phil asked, coming into the room carrying two Dans. 

“Ah, nothing, just checking Twitter,” Dan replied, locking his phone and accepting his cup from Phil. He still hadn't told him about the annual photo taking tradition. He lifted the blanket and Phil slid under it, carefully not spilling his drink and leaned over to kiss Dan. He tasted of vanilla and coffee, and Dan smiled into his mouth.

“Merry Christmas Phil,” he whispered, and Phil smiled back. 

“Cheers,” Phil said, gently clinking their glasses, “It's been a good year.”

```’’’

**November 2019**  
“Dan, where is my jacket? You know, the one with the nice inside pocket?” Phil called down the hall at Dan.

“Check the living room sofa,” Dan yelled back at him from the doorway, “Hurry up! If we are late, my mum is going to kill us.”

“It's just down the road,” Phil said, finding the jacket where Dan said it would be and stumbling towards the door, “they can wait a minute.”

“It's Thanksgiving Phil, and we are not going to your parents’ house, so no they can't,” Dan straightened the back of Phil’s jacket as they walked out the door, “Besides, arriving late makes a terrible impression on your future in-laws.”

Phil tried to keep from snapping his head over to look at Dan. _What did he know?_ Phil sneaked a look at him out of the corner of his eye, but thankfully it seemed Dan was just joking, Dan was lost in his own train of thought.

“Remember the first time I came to visit your family?” Dan sighed fondly, “Man that was _two years_ ago, time flies, we are all dying!” 

Phil laughed, “Hello 2012 _danis not on fire_ , how is time traveling?” 

“Ughh,” Dan groaned and shoved at Phil, before they took off, speed walking to the tube station.

```’’’

**December 23, 2017**  
“I’m glad you came out this year,” Kathryn Lester said to Dan as they walked along the cliffs, “It's been nice having you here.”

“It's been nice being here,” Dan replied, smiling, hands in his pockets. Dan smiled, remembering last month when Phil, booking his tickets asked if Dan had wanted to come with him up north to see his family for Christmas. Phil had been half joking, as Dan had never come up with him before, but this year, after moving flats and rebranding, embracing his curly hair, and even telling the world about his depression, Dan was ready to be brave. 

Phil had looked up at him, eyebrows raised in a silent question. “Yes I’m sure,” Dan said back calmly. “Screw what the fans may think, I want to be there with you.” Phil, to his credit, did not question it any more than that and had proceeded to book two tickets for a flight to the Isle of Man. 

“Hey wait up!” Phil called from behind them, puffing as he sped walked up the slope. Katherine turned and smiled at Dan, 

“I’ll let you two boys be, I’m going to join Nigel down on the shore.” 

“Bye mum,” Phil said as he walked up behind Dan. His mum started walking down the slope. “Hey do you want to take some aesthetic photos?” he asked, and Dan laughed. 

“Sure, let's give the fans something to talk about.”

```’’’

Kathryn was there to greet the boys as they tumbled back into the house, flushed and giggling from chasing each other down the cliffs. “Ah Dan, take off that hat,” she said, handing him a headband with elf ears. She handed Phil a similar headband, but with red reindeer antlers. “Since Dan is leaving tomorrow morning to go be with his family, we are going to take our family Christmas photos today. We’ll be waiting in the living room!”

As Kathryn walked away, Dan looked at the ears and then over at Phil and groaned. Phil just stuck out his tongue and laughed. “Don't complain, Daniel, I think it will look very nice with your cute curly hair.” 

“Hey!” Dan exclaimed, whacking Phil with the ears, “No Hobbit jokes! Now let's go take those photos before Kath come to murder us with her Christmas cheer - your family is manic.”

```’’’

Evening had fallen, and the temperature had dropped on the Isle, so much so that little flurries of snow were fluttering down outside the window. But inside the Lester house, it was warm and cheery, the family sitting around drinking and playing charades.

Phil made two fists and shook his hands.

“Maracas!” Dan yelled, and everyone on the other team groaned.

“It is not fair that they get to play on the same team,” Cornelia complained, “They are basically psychic.”

Dan stuck his tongue out at her. “That’s why we flipped coins and it still worked out this way. The universe wants it.”

Phil laughed as he returned to sit down on the floor in front of Dan, leaning back on Dan’s legs. Dan smiled, he was warm and full and surrounded by people who had come to be his family. How had he gotten so lucky? He pulled out his phone, opened the camera and surreptitiously took a photo. You could see the warm fire and the large decorated tree, with presents underneath. And just at the bottom of the photo was the top of Phil’s head, tipped back against Dan’s knee. 

“Racoon?” Cornelia asked as Dan focused back in on the game,

“Yes! Finally!” Nigel sighed, sitting back down, “It took you long enough.”

Dan laughed along with everyone else and stood as he was handed a card. As Dan considered about how to act out “The Death March” he thought to himself that coming to the Isle with Phil had been a great decision and that this was definitely one of the best Christmases ever.

```’’’

**Early December 2019**  
Phil had gone out for the day, he wouldn’t tell Dan where, and Dan had decided to take the day to clean up and decorate their house. The Lesters were coming in two weeks, and their Christmas decorations definitely looked better when they weren't hung frantically the night before guests came.

Phil had laughed and said Dan was overthinking it when he has been agonizing over what kind of front door wreath to buy, but this was the first year they were actually celebrating Christmas in their new home - the past two years he and Phil had travelled to the Isle of Man, and had otherwise been in their second London flat. Now though, to break in their forever home, Phil's family was coming to visit them for Christmas, and Dan's family for New Year’s.

“When did we grow up to be adults and have our families visiting us?” Dan said to himself as he started hanging ornaments on the tree, “It was just yesterday that Phil and I were filming that Christmas adventure.”

```’’’

“Hey! I’m back!” Dan walked to the front hall where Phil was leaning against the wall to pull off his shoes. Leaning against the wall next to him was a very bulky square shaped package.

“What's that, what did you buy?” Dan asked, walking over and trying to grab the presents. Phil literally jumped in front of him,

“Noooo, you can't look!” he said, “It is a mystery present.” Dan frowned down at him.

“I thought this year we agreed to exchange our Christmas gift lists, and just pick something from there? What have you gone and done now?”

Phil smiled innocently up at Dan, “Nothing!” He stood up and kissed Dan on the cheek. “Don’t worry about it.”

As he walked down the hall, hefting the seemingly cumbersome package with him, he called over his shoulder, “And don't you dare ruin the surprise!”

```’’’

**December 19, 2018**  
“Is this finally a break?” Dan asked, flopping down with Phil on the couch. Phil rolled his head over from where it had been resting against the back of the sofa and looked at Dan.

“It’s a break for 20 minutes until the taxi comes to take us to the airport.” Dan let his head fall onto Phil’s shoulder.

“Have you packed the flash drive? Are we sure we have everything to upload the videos?” They had just finished filming Dilmas the day before and were going to edit on the plane before queueing up the videos. 

“Yeah yeah, I double checked,” Phil said, letting his head rest on top of Dan’s. “No more disasters like last time.”

“Good good,” Dan responded. “It's been too long since we have travelled just to ourselves, I’m looking forward to avoiding everyone and chilling on the beach.”

```’’’

Phil nudged Dan, “Hey, are you asleep?” Dan opened an eye blearily.

“Clearly not, now that you woke me up. Are we there yet?” 

“Trade laptops with me.” Phil said, shifting his over onto Dan’s aeroplane tray, “I can finish editing yours.”

“Thanks,” Dan said sleepily. He really did have the best boyfriend.

```’’’

The wind was blowing cool across Phil’s face. The six of them had gone hiking up the cliffs on the Isle of Man. It had only been a couple of months, but it felt like ages since Phil last saw his family. He walked a bit faster to pull up towards the front of the pack and pulled out his phone to take a photo for Instagram.

“Caption it ‘new air in our lungs,’” Dan said, speeding up to walk next to Phil. Phil smiled, just five years ago they would have been trying to hide Dan’s presence on the Isle but since the rebranding, they had been trying to just live their most authentic life, let the people assume what they want. 

“Ooh race you to the top of the cliff,” Dan said, nudging Phil, and Phil rolled his eyes. Phil let Dan race ahead, falling back to join Martyn and Cornelia. Martyn took one look at his face and turned to Cornelia who seemed to get the message. 

“Hey, Dan, wait up,” she called, breaking into a jog to join the other four. 

“What’s up,” Martyn said. Despite the cool air, Phil was suddenly really sweaty. “What on your mind?” Martyn asked, nicer than normal, perhaps sensing Phil’s nervousness.

Phil wiped his palms surreptitiously on his jeans and licked his lips to wet them. “I'm going to propose to Dan.” Phil didn't know why he was so nervous, but he stared straight ahead waiting for Martyn to respond.

Martyn smiled, “Well,” he bumped Phil’s shoulder, “It's about time you put a ring on that boy, how long has it been? A decade? He just might get tired of you and decide to leave!”

“Shut up,” Phil groaned shoving at his brother, “PJ said the same thing,” he muttered. Then Phil smiled, looking over at Dan. “Yeah, I think we are finally ready, it finally feels right.”

“Do you know how you are going to propose?” They had reached the top of the cliff and stood looking out at the sea.

“I don't know, but something will come to me.” The brothers started walking down, following the raucous laughter of the other Lesters and the Lester to be, “by this time next year...”

```’’’

“The food was great Kath, let me help you clean up,” Dan stood, helping Phil's mum collect the plates.

“Aww thanks, dear,” she replied as they walked into the kitchen and set everything down in the sink. “Do you want to dry? I’ll wash.” Dan nodded, reaching over to grab the drying towel. “It's been a busy year for you boys, hasn't it! I'm so glad you could make it here for Christmas, we haven't seen you in so long.” 

Dan smiled, drying the plates and putting them into the cabinet. “Yeah, we had the tour and then we got back, and we were immediately locked in the room for editing the film for a month non-stop, and then we had to film for Dilmas, it has been non-stop since we let in April.” Phil's mum hummed in acknowledgement, and Dan continued. “Traveling was great and the show was really fun. It was especially fun to go to all the countries where we weren't able to go for TATINOF. But we are glad to be home.”

“What are you planning on doing next?” she asked, finishing up the last plate and handing it to Dan. 

“We’re taking a hiatus from the gaming channel right now, and I think we are going to have a quiet year, take things as they come up,” Dan stacked the last plate, “maybe focus on growing our channels some more, and I think we are going to be looking for our forever house.” He smiled at Kath, “Maybe we will have the chance to come over more?”

“Well, we are always happy to have you over whenever you have the chance to visit,” Kathryn said warmly, “And maybe one day soon, you will be bringing over a third little member of your family?” Kath waggled her eyebrows at Dan and he rolled his eyes. 

“I don't know. I don't think that will be anytime soon.” Katherine patted his back as they walked into the living room to rejoin the rest of the family. 

“You never know, my boy, you never know.”

```’’’

Dan took a deep breath as he stretched, standing on the top of the cliff. He and Phil had gone walking to see the sunset after relaxing all of Christmas afternoon.

“I don't ever want to leave, it is so nice here.” Phil hummed in agreement, he was sitting, legs stretched out on the grass, propped up on his elbows looking out at the sea. 

“We could move away from London, sell the flat, get a dog,” Phil said quietly. Dan sat down next to him, and they watched the sky slip from deep oranges to dusky violets and blues.

“Make a wish,” Phil said suddenly, quiet in the night, pointing at the first start to come out. 

“Starlight, star bright…” Dan said obediently before trailing off. They both shivered as the wind began rolling in off the sea and got up to walk back home.

 _“... first star I see tonight…”_ Dan thought to himself as the warmly glowing windows of the cottage came into view. He pulled out his phone and let Phil draw ahead a little so he could snap a photo, his boyfriend silhouetted against the orange bright windows of the house, _“... I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight…”_

Dan paused at the door, and looked up at the stars twinkling above him, “I wish… I hope Phil proposes,” he whispered to the night sky before going in to join the rest of the Lesters, sitting around the fire sipping wine and trading stories.

```’’’

**December 20, 2019**  
“Hi Mum, Dad!” Dan said, opening the door for Phil's parents, “Martyn, Cornelia,” he continued letting everyone in and then standing aside so they could take off their shoes.

“Thanks for having us dear,” Phil's mum came over to give him a kiss, “How have things been for you boys here? All ready for the holidays?”

“Yes it's been good, Dan said leading everyone into the kitchen where Phil was making a huge pot of spaghetti bolognese. “But Phil has broken our agreement and brought me a mystery present that he has been hiding,” he whined slightly, at how comfortable he had gotten with these people over the years.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Phil and Martyn exchange a look. Now that was interesting and thought to himself, making a mental note to ask Phil about it later.

For now though, they had guests to entertain.

```’’’

**December 25, 2019**  
“Hey,” Phil is leaning on the doorway, hand behind his back. “You about ready to go open presents?” Dan stretched in the bed.

“Yeah lemme get some clothes on first… or I can come scandalize--”

“Nope, no, nope no thank you “ Phil cuts him off, “Kathryn doesn’t need to go blind from your blindly white torso!” 

Dan laughs, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling on his fuzzy Christmas PJs. 

“But-” Phil sounds unusually hesitant “There is something you should open before we go down.”

Dan pokes his had out of the jumper. “The mystery present? I finally get to open it?” Phil nods his head over to where the tormenting square had been propped against the wall. 

“Careful, its kinda delicate,” he mutters as Dan grabs it and pulls it onto his lap. 

It's a frame. Well, two frames. The first one is empty, just cardboard and sheet glass, but as Dan lifts it to look at the second one, his breath catches in his throat.

“Phil -” he breathes out. _Phil don't make me cry before I have to go down and interact with your family,_ he wants to get out. _Phil isn't this a little personal with the rest of the Lester clan downstairs?_ Dan wants to joke. Because in the frame is a ten by ten square of little photos of the two of them over the past decade.

“Are these my photos?” Dan finally manages to get out, running his finger across the top row. He can feel Phil coming to kneel on the bed behind him. 

“I took photos too you know,” Phil murmurs, leaning over Dan’s shoulder to gently trace down the first column. “I didn't know you did until that day, before Peej’s wedding.” 

They are silent for a minute, and as the first tear falls, Dan can hear the gentle clinking of breakfast plates and the murmur of Martyn and Cornelia talking downstairs. Dan closes his eyes, resting his head on the cool glass as Phil clambers past him, off the bed.

“Dan.” He doesn't look up, and Phil’s eyes feel suspiciously warm and dry. “Dan.” 

Dan looks up, and the frames start to slide off his lap.

Phil laughs as he reaches over to gently guide them to the floor. He straightens back up, still on one knee. 

“Dan, I think you know what a wild ride this past decade has been, and there is no one I would have rather experienced it with. Even a hundred photos can't capture the feeling I get when I’m with you, and-” Phil's voice breaks and Dan smiles; they are both sobbing messes at this point. 

Phil pulled a velvet ring box out of his pocket. “Daniel Howell, I would be honoured if you would give me the next decade of decades with you.” 

“Yes,” Dan slides off the bed to kneel facing Phil. “That doesn't even make sense, and you didn't even make a Mario joke, but of course the answer is yes!” 

They are both crying as they lean in towards each other, frame and ring box both sandwiched between them, and with their eyes closed, totally miss Martyn, quietly opening the door, smiling, and snapping a photo before shutting the door to give them their peace.

```’’’

Of course, the Lesters all already know, and when Dan walks downstairs, they start clapping and whistling till he, blushing, shows off his ring, silver with a thin black obsidian band running around the middle.

```’’’

By the afternoon, it had started snowing outside, and while Dan started the fire, Phil carried the frame out to the living room, before curling up on the couch. As the Lesters start wandering in from their large Christmas lunch to open presents, Dan plops down on Phil's lap until he opens his blanket cocoon and shifts his legs to make room for Dan.

“Oooh, remember when we were young and in love!” says Phil’s mum over the crackling of the fire looking at Dan and Phil on the couch.  
“Were?” exclaims his dad. Everyone laughs, and Cornelia begins passing out the gifts. 

_If I weren't so stupidly content, I would have taken a photo,_ Dan thinks sleepily, curling further into Phil’s shoulder.

He hears the quiet but unmistakable slide of a camera shutter and opens one eye to look around. Martyn smiles and waves a hand at him. 

“Go back to sleep, I’ll send it to you so you can put it in your soppy album later.”

“Thanks,” Dan murmured, before closing his eyes again. “You know-” he continues to mumble, “this really has been the best decade.” before he drifts off to sleep, to the soft sounds of the fire crackling, and his family softly talking and laughing around him.

```’’’

**Epilogue: Some undefined time far in the future, Christmas Day**  
The frames hang on the wall in the living room, every year they take the second one off the wall to add more photos to it but soon, Dan thinks, they are going to need a third frame.

Phil walks up behind him and wraps an arm around his waist. “Do you want to go wake the kids or me?” dan grabs Phil’s cup of coffee, saying “you wake them I’ll take the photos.” and Phil smiles.

Dan snaps photo after photo, this time no longer in secret, as their house comes to life, as wrapping paper is thrown everywhere and as Thor the dog chases the screaming kids from room to room. 

It is chaos for now and will be busy when their grandparents come over, but come evening, he and Phil will add to another year of tradition and sit by the fire talking all night long.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on Tumblr! [@silentorator](https://silentorator.tumblr.com/)


End file.
